V-Day 2005 is only 15 days away, boys, so prepare to empty those wallets as many of you hopeless singles roam the halls, desperately attempting to find your one true love before the night that will be either amazing, or turn out moderately depressing.

Sadly, many of you hopeful bachelors will not find your dream gal and will spend this holiday disappointed and feeling rejected at the hands of the almighty opposite sex. For all the soon-to-be broken hearts out there, this one’s for you.

So you got dumped by your long term love bunny of 4 years a couple days ago, big deal, why spend a romantic night with a girl who just wants candy and roses when you can spend that money on video games and hang out with the guys.

Sure the boys may not smell as good, and it may be a little awkward cuddling with the guys you shower with after weights, but it is all good on this hellish day of love.

Valentine’s day has been morphed into the shallow, inconsiderate, feminist holiday we all know today by the card companies and the shallow, inconsiderate, feminists known as girls. This is the one day of the year where girls expect retribution for all the cooking and cleaning they have completed during their so called “relationship.”

The aforementioned retribution can consist of anything ranging from a dinner and a movie, to a shiny piece of jewelry with a value topping the magical triple digit spot.

Why do guys feel the need to shell out large sums of cash for this otherwise pointless holiday? They do because if their girlfriend does not find your gift to be sufficient in thoughtfulness and monetary value, Valentine’s Day will be the last day they will be going out.

Girls are good for cooking, cleaning, and occasionally making you feel like royal crap. Your mom can still cook and clean, so unless you really like hating yourself, you do not need any girl in your life, other than your mom.If you really think about it, girls are guys, with different parts and a little less sensitivity. Guy friends are free, a single girl alone will cost three mortgages on the house and farm.

Guys form a bond out of mutual respect and common interests, guy-girl relationships are primarily based on sexual attraction and large financial expenditures.

Guys can spend an entire night playing video games not speaking to one another and be perfectly fine with it.

With girls however, conversation is somewhat required, and a momentary silence can lead to a frustrating and often destructive conversation about the dreaded “us.” If you do work up the courage to get a conversation rolling, be prepared to hear about every insignificant detail of her life, from the new shoes she bought on clearance years ago, to the hair cut she got the night before (that you more than likely failed to notice). Which will lead to an onslaught of comments about your lack of sensitivity.

So hypothetically, you are the perfect guy; charming, smart, nice, the whole shebang, no matter how good a guy you are, there will always be somebody better than you. Your girlfriend will find that somebody and dump you for no reason other than she found somebody better thank you in every way. Happy Valentines Day from your friend Jordan Furrow.