(May 1, 2001) -- The comedian with a strange fetish for bad films, udders and sausages, (aka Tom Green) and Charlie’s Angel Drew Barrymore have officially announced that they are, in fact, hitched after months of cat  and mouse with the media.   Currently Barrymore is batting 0 for 5 in the marriage field,  so if the ball and chain pulls through and lasts a whole month, it will make it an entry in the Guinness Book of Records for the longest marriage Barrymore has ever endured…I mean…had.

Who’s ready for Britney Spears the movie star? Yeah, I know…me neither.  Spears will play an, ahem, virtuous straight-A high school student in the yet-to-be-titled film.  For those of you who feel the need to commit  ritual seppuku at the thought of this, samurai swords will be available in the main office (next to the bagels).

Sean “Puffy” Combs (or now P. Diddy) was arrested April 8 in Miami Beach and charged with driving without a license after cops pulled him over for making an illegal lane change on his scooter.  I hear that at next year’s Grammys they’ll be giving P. Diddy a special “Most Arrested Rapper” award but it’ll be a close race with Jay-Z.

CBS has announced they are suing FOX, claiming their series “Boot Camp” is a rip-off of “Survivor.” However, CBS may be reconsidering the suit after hearing that FOX may use “Boot Camp’s” drill instructors as defense lawyers.