Shameful Flicks:

The Corpse Bride: Tim Burton may have run out of luck here. Although people across the nation are praising his new movie “The Corpse Bride,” they seem to be blinded by Burton’s individualistic style and cannot see the overall picture. There is little depth beneath the surface. Its stop animation, which deserves commendation, may sway you otherwise, but Burton’s flick is devoid of a solid plot. Without ruining anything for those of you who haven’t seen it, I can safely say that you go into “The Corpse Bride” anticipating what you think will be a good movie and leave still waiting for any movie at all. Its story goes by before you have time to absorb it and even if you did, you wouldn’t want to in the first place. First, the two families of Victor Van Dort (Johnny Depp) and Victoria Everglot (Emily Watson) meet. Then, Victor runs into problems with his nerves during rehearsal for his wedding and accidentally asks the “Corpse Bride” (Helena Bonham Carter) to marry him. He is then dragged into the underworld, then he escapes back, only to, ten minutes later, go to the underworld and then back again. Besides this obvious problem with composition, “The Corpse Bride” tries to pass off what feels like thrown-together dialogue accompanied by boring instrumental music. Composer Danny Elfman could not recapture the kind of brilliance he displayed over ten years ago in Burton’s stop-animation masterpiece “The Nightmare Before Christmas.” To be truthful, Burton tries more than hard to live up to “Nightmare’s” legacy and more than fails—he makes a mockery of it. If you need to see “The Corpse Bride” for the purpose of seeing “The Corpse Bride,” just… don’t, okay?

Flightplan: I feel as though this movie doesn’t even deserve my attention (which is really saying something, since I’m a fifteen-year-old sitting on a couch watching T.V. in my basement). But since awful reviews make for good reading, I might as well. “Flightplan” might just be the death of Jodie Foster’s career, or the death of my faith in her, at least. I don’t quite know why I expected this movie to be something more than DVD rental trash, but I did. As you probably can guess, I was completely wrong. Alhough airplanes seem to be the perfect setting these days for creating claustrophobic tension between characters, even the two-story giant in this film could not contain a plot, which is based on the drama of the search for the main character’s daughter. The restriction of a single setting forces two-thirds of this film to contain Foster’s woeful screams, first for the crew to search the cabins, then for the crew to work more efficiently, then for the crew to search the cabins again when the first search came back with no results, and finally trying to convince the crew that she’s not insane… which brings us to the subplot of this film: the infinite question of whether or not Foster is crazy. After all, her husband has just died and she is already having hallucinations of his presence. Has she fabricated the last couple of weeks of her daughter’s life? Well…because she is our protagonist and the writers wouldn’t want to escape convention, we all know the answer to this question even before the question arises. Add this to a far-fetched antagonistic plot and the unbelievable fact that even if her daughter did exist (sorry if I gave this away for you), no one on the plane actually saw her and you get the recipe for two hours of staring at your shoes for lack of a better thing to do.

The Only Good Movie:

Good Night and Good Luck: While I hate George Clooney and think that he’s a complete write-off as an actor, I cannot find a reason to complain about his directorial skills. His first movie, “Confessions of a Dangerous Mind” was one of my favorites, and “Good Night and Good Luck” has lived up to it. “Confessions” was a comedic look at the possibly historical involvement of gameshow creator Chuck Barris as a CIA assassin. He continues his unique look at the annals of America’s past in “Good Night,” which studies the battle between journalist Edward Morrow and Senator Joseph Mcarthy during the Cold War, Hollywood Blacklist era. The work of actor David Strathairn goes beyond brilliant and into the realm of remarkably believable. Enhancing this is the movie’s black and white format, which conveys texture and a true feel of the past to the film. Furthermore, Clooney uses archive footage of the real Senator Joseph Mcarthy, which proves to be far better than if an actor had played the role. The movie is sure to get an Oscar nod and maybe even one for Clooney, as well. The only setback is that when I went to see it, there was only limited distribution, so I had to travel all the way to Manhattan. Despite this, all should attend.

Things We’re Looking Forward To:

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire: I only hope that this movie does not come out before the review does. Everyone is excited to see the new Harry Potter film and I would wait for it to be released to review it, but its duration takes place in that long interim between article due dates. I’m not, however, simply reviewing it blind. While we all know that the visual effects are sure to be remarkable, since the studio is pumping truckloads of money into its assumed highest grossing movie of year, we must wonder whether the story is true to the plot of the book and whether the dialogue is any good. Well… through my “connections” I have received a copy of the final draft of the script, which sets my expectations high. As long as none of the integral scenes get axed from the film, it is sure to be true to the book (hard to do at 734 pages long). As a self-proclaimed guru at script analysis, I have to say that Steven Kloves, who wrote the screenplay, has done an excellent job in both dialogue in general and the forming of dialogue specific to each character. All three of the main “child” actors have lines that seem somehow more eloquent than those in the previous films, which marks the characters’ maturation. But still there is a hint of arrogance and intelligence in Hermione’s voice, a touch of naiveté in Ron’s lines, and a heroic mystique to almost everything that Harry says. If the actors can pull it off, “Goblet” is sure to be fun.

DVDs:

TV on DVD: It doesn’t matter what you buy, as long as it’s TV. With hits last year like “Lost” and “Desperate Housewives,” people are running to the racks for the already-released first seasons of both shows. While I despise “Housewives” and anyone who watches it, I cannot deny its strange popularity and critical acclaim. My TV on DVD suggestions, however, will nonetheless try to educate all of you who are drooling over Wysteria Lane in what I like to call “good television.” My first pick is (drum roll, please)… “The West Wing.” While some may think it pretentious and many will believe that I’m just saying this to seem smart, “The West Wing” is truly the greatest workplace drama and documents and the funny, often sad democratic rule of the presidency. Though it has lagged in years of late, the first four seasons (before creator Aaron Sorkin left the show) are readily available on DVD. My second pick would have to be “Scrubs.” No one can deny that Zach Braff’s comedy is hilarious. The first season is out and the second season is coming soon to DVD. Even if you’ve never seen it, the show is undoubtedly the most brilliant comedy (yes, better then “Friends…” well, at least better then the last six or seven seasons of “Friends”) that NBC has ever had. My final pick (and my friends may be tired of it) is “Dead Like Me,” a comedy of which most of you have probably never heard. (I didn’t get Showtime, either, but I blindly trusted the DVDs and it’s probably the best decision I’ve ever made.) Though it got the axe after two seasons, “Dead Like Me” told the story of George (Georgia) Lass who died when a piece of the Russian Space Station Mir (a toilet seat, to be exact) fell from the sky. Afterwards she becomes a “reaper,” living with the “living” and taking peoples’ souls before they die. Its irony and humor (as well as some intense language inappropriate for most junior high kids), including the fact that George has to do filing at her day job even after she’s dead, not only makes for a brilliant show, but for a sometimes depressing (in a good way) “dramedy.”

Well, that’s it! (And if you won’t buy these, you can have your first season of “Housewives” but you shouldn’t wonder why the illiteracy rate just keeps on getting higher and higher.)