Hot air balloon rides are fun, but they rarely get a lot of attention. However, when you think a kid is stuck inside of a balloon blazing through the air, headed for the airport, the story may turn some heads.

Millions watched around the world as they feared that six year old Falcon Heene was floating 7,000 feet into the Colorado sky in a silver 20 foot long and five foot high Mylar hot-air balloon. The 50 mile trip lasted for nearly two hours and eventually ended with the balloon landing in a field near Colorado Springs. When emergency personnel rushed to rescue Balloon Boy, they were dismayed to discover the appropriately named Falcon was not inside. This prompted an instant search and rescue operation as personnel and viewers watching the drama unfold at home feared young Falcon had fallen out of the balloon while in transit.

As the Colorado National Guard scoured the balloon’s flight path for hours, and rescuers, friends, and family trudged on the ground by foot searching for Falcon, it was finally discovered that young Falcon was in his attic. After thousands of dollars were spent on the search and rescue operation, after millions of people were worried, and after hours of our lives staring at a stupid balloon fly in the air were wasted, we found out he was in his attic. Taking a nap. I could have been taking a nap, but no, I decided I would stare at a balloon and worry about whether or not he flew out of it, pun very much intended.

Hours after his alleged balloon ride, Falcon appeared with his Ft. Collins, Colorado family in an interview with CNN’s Wolf Blitzer on Larry King Live. When his father, Richard Heene, asked Falcon why he didn’t respond when his parents were calling for him, since Falcon said he did indeed hear them, Falcon responded: “You guys said we did this for the show.”

Seriously? Un-frickin’-believable. In fact, if there was a survey that asked whether or not I would watch a balloon flying in the air for hours with a kid in it when I knew he was napping in a cardboard box and this was all a stunt, I would have checked the option for, “No, I do not want to watch a balloon flying in the air for hours with a kid in it if I knew he was napping in a cardboard box and the whole thing was a stunt.”

Those who were watching that interview around the world immediately felt their hearts drop, but more importantly their hatred for the Heene family soared to new heights. Once again, pun very much intended.

As the days went on, and the story begin to unravel more disturbing details, and Falcon kept vomiting during live TV interviews, we began to realize that Falcon was really the victim, along with all of us who were duped into believing this was real. We learned that his father is a science nerd who loves meteorology and storm chasing. Later on in this debacle, we also discovered that Falcon’s mother Mayumi Heene was in the center of domestic abuse claims pinning her husband as her assailant. Heene eventually went on to admit to authorities that this whole thing was a hoax. Because Falcon’s vomiting, “…we did this for the show”, and inconsistent lies were not enough clues.

However, the most important discovery in this saga was that Richard Heene is an abusive media-whore who crafted this entire stunt, one who put the emotional well-being of his entire wife and children aside in order to generate publicity for his family so he could be famous and earn money. However, Mrs. Heene isn’t left out of this either. She played just as much a role in this as her husband. While she may be the battered victim, at no point did she stand up for her children. At no time, did she tell someone that her children were in danger, and they clearly well. Because of her inability to act in the best interest of her children, she also is at fault for endangering her children. Why she married this guy really baffles me, but that is neither here nor there. The fact that she let him expose her children to this kind of cruel stress and disgusting type of abuse is very relevant, however. The fact that she helped planned this stunt means the battered wife excuse is now deflated. Pun intended, once again.

The Heene’s had already appeared on ABC’s reality series “Wife Swap” twice. Reports have said that the Heene’s were putting this together so that they could get their own reality series. I think a reality series would be great for them. One that chronicles Rich and Mayumi’s time in jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, and more importantly, child abuse.
I came up with the perfect title: Richard and Mayumi Heene: Full of Hot Air.