Kathryn Michele Kallenberger is on strike.

This is why I, David Armand Perrigo, am writing this opinion piece. I really don’t want to, but ever since this whole writer’s strike shniz started I’m forced to do a lot of things. For example, instead of watching my favorite show The Office on Thursdays, I am now forced to watch educational programming. This actually has a significant effect on my life. I only brush my teeth with my left hand now. I don’t know why. Just happened.

Kallenberger is also experiencing some setbacks. Her lack of work has left her feeling vague. I was able to interview Kallenberger and her 29 cats this past weekend. During the interview, I first noticed the uncombed hair and the strange scent of chicken gravy. Kallenberger commented on her situation, “Well, since I have nothing to write about, I sit at home pwning n00bs on Halo 3. I also deeply indulge myself in basket weaving and collecting feta cheese.” Journalism teacher Mr. Dave Watry reflected, “I just hope this writer’s strike ends soon so we can get some serious, hard-hitting, investigative reporting back into the Smoke Signal.”

Kallenberger’s demands the following: to make as much money as Mr. Watry, the entire series of Shaft on blu-ray, all the medals of the 1997 Olympic games, and a guest spot on Dancing With the Stars. Arrowhead has yet to comment on whether or not Kallenberger’s demands will be met.

Fellow journalist Kylie Moehrke reflects on the catastrophic loss to the Smoke Signal, “I don’t know if Katie will ever get what she wants, but I hope that she’s happy doing whatever it is that she does…what does she do again?”



So until the writer’s hang up their picket signs and shower us with their creative stories once again, you will unfortunately have to read stories written by some n00b with a weird middle name that lacks organization, accuracy, and soul.