As part of their campaign to expand the average wallet waistline of coronary MD’s, Hardees is now offering dog tags with the purchase of either of the 2/3 pound burgers offered. The dog tags are engraved with the words “Burger Slayer” and an image of the massive #8 sandwich, the ‘Triple McBypass’ (or as some call it, the monster burger) with two swords crossed behind it. Considering the calorie count of a 2/3 lb. burger, one believed to be in the range of numbers unable to be calculated by modern day mathematics, I believe the dog tag should be instead emblazed with scalpels and an exploding heart.

Not only would this be a more realistic image. The tags could also double as hospital badges. This would not only save us mere taxpayers a few bucks, but would easily identify Hardees victims, helping hospital staff.