Would you like to hear Ciara’s ‘Goodies’ over and over and over again at different speeds and with different words? Do you want to hear 50 Cent talk for ten seconds and get his name printed on the back of the album? Do you like to pretend that the combination of computer generated beats and meaningless lyrics is actual music? Are you intellectually intrigued by lyrics such as “Ooh! Uh. The way you look at me. I’m feelin’ you, uh,” and “You can be my teacher. I’ll do homework. You can give me extra credit, baby?” Well then hip-hop mastermind Ciara’s new album ‘The Evolution’ is calling your name!

On a scale from one to ten, I would give ‘Evolution’ a ten, ten being the worst. The album features the captivating combination of Lil’ Jon, 50 Cent, Chamillionaire, and of course, Ciara. That’s got to be a total of…100 IQ points right there! Some fans of the new album commented on Ciara’s style (I overheard them talking at the library):

“I heard Ciara was a transvestite.”

“No way! That totally changes my perspective on her.”

Honestly, the lyrics displayed in this album are greatly contributing towards the intelligence of teenagers nationwide. I think Ciara needs to ‘One Two-Step’ away from the recording studio.

But wait, there’s more! Not only can your ears be treated to music that makes you want to throw up in your mouth, but an ‘Evolution of Dance DVD’ is included when you purchase the album. Watch closely as Ciara shows you how to do her hottest moves! Well, I know how YOU’RE spending your next five Friday nights…